So this was the beginning, a positive test… it has been such a rough 4 years. We went through so much. To make a long story short I had finally conceived after 2 years of trying and was so happy, but it sadly ended in miscarriage faster than I ever imagined. I literally found out I was pregnant and lost the baby a week later. It was devastating for me . Thankfully my husband was by my side the whole time and was very supportive. After that we gave TTC a little break as I could not handle it emotionally. After a few months we decided to go ahead and keep trying and 2 more years later nothing still. I was starting to get discouraged and bummed out. Also my cycles started to get a little off and I would skip a month here and there, or sometimes two lol. Well in September we really put all effort into this baby making thing and we tried every day, I was drinking some herbal teas to enhance fertility and really just trying to not have any stress, so come around late September I decided to test as I really thought this was my month as my breasts were starting to get tender, but it was negative. So I thought well so much for that, I was so sad to think that we gave it our all and no cigar. So we resumed just trying every other night or so and I was just waiting for my cycle to show, but it never came so here we are like Oct 10th ish and still no cycle so now Im thinking well isn’t that lovely I did not even ovulate in September…so it was all for nothing, kind of like a cruel joke. Well played ovaries, well played. So I figured well might as well wait until the end of October and prepare for the worst lol. Around Oct 15th my breasts got very tender and then suddenly they stopped, so I even told my husband that my cycle is on the way. Buttt it was not, so I just played the waiting game and a few days later my breasts really started hurting again and by this point I am just sitting there thinking…c’mon cycle… any day now. Still nothing…So fast forward to Oct. 30th and I made a late night run to Wal-Mart to get some last minute things for my Halloween costume, and while I’m waiting to cash out at the register I see these 88 cent cheap Wal-Mart pregnancy tests, and I think well its cheap and its here, maybe its a sign, so I bought it. OF COURSE I could NOT wait until the morning because I am very impatient so I go to the bathroom and do my thing, I set it down on the counter and just think oh well that was a waste of 88 cents, I dont even know why I took it so I grab it and watch the test process and then I see a second line forming and I’m like oh wow its just tricking me what a krappy test, and I wait another minute waiting for the 2nd line to disappear and low and behold it did not, it just got darker…so I kid you not I ran out of the bathroom with my undies around my ankles to show my husband the test and Im like O M G look its a pink line OMG Im PREGNANT!!!!!! I was so over the moon happy that I ran into the closet to grab a t-shirt I had custom ordered a month or so ago to give to my husband once he found out he was going to be a daddy and I was happy to give it to him finally!
Husband was happy too but he of course thought because it was so cheap that it could be wrong so at lunch time the next day I went to CVS and bought a EPT Digital…. and it confirmed everything with the word “Pregnant”
So then we made our first appt and got a ultrasound to confirm dates since I ovulated so late and we got to see the baby’s heart beating, it was so amazing. I was 6 wks 4-5 days.
Everything seemed so perfect. We celebrated Thanksgiving with family and then Christmas, Christmas was a special day for me, it was the day I turned 12 weeks. The day I thought I surpassed the worry stage in the pregnancy. We had a fetal heart beat monitor at home and we listened to her heart often. We thought everything would be perfect and were starting to get excited knowing we were finally having the baby we dreamed of. Our next ultrasound was on January 2nd. They told us we were actually a week further along, so I was now 14 weeks, due date was changed to July 3rd 2013, the day before my sister was due with her baby. I was over the moon, we watched our baby turn around and kick about and it was just amazing.
We could not wait to find out if we were having a boy or girl, so we decided to book a private elective gender scan, it cost $70 out of pocket but was worth it to us. We arrived to our appt and were so happy to finally find out and the place was so beautiful inside, was like a spa. I layed on the table and felt the warm ultrasound lube hit my belly, then within moments we seen our sweet baby, she was moving her arms and hands around and we were so in love, she had her little legs crossed so I had to get up and walk around to try to get her to move, but that did not work. Then we tried drinking orange juice and eating some chocolate, still she would not move! So we received a picture of her and made another appt for the following Saturday to go back. We had no idea that in a few days everything would change…
We received a call from my midwife and she told us that the woman that did the gender scan noticed some fluid around our baby’s abdomen and she said we needed to have a ultrasound done the next day by a specialist. My heart sank right away, I cried and I felt so helpless for our baby… the next day we went to the appt and again seen our baby, I saw her waving her little arm as if to say hello, and we saw her little mouth opening to yawn, so many emotions were running through me at that time, it was so hard not to cry. I asked the tech if there was fluid around the baby and she quietly said ‘yes’ the way she said that I knew, it was not good. She would not tell us anymore and said we would have to call our doctor. As soon as we left I waited about 10 minutes and called my midwife, at first the receptionist said we would have to wait a few days for the results and I got very upset, I said we needed to know an answer now, we needed to know if our baby was going to live or die. She said she would have the midwife call me back as soon as she could. So we left and were on our way back to work and my phone rang, it was my midwife. She said she was so sorry but the baby has alot of problems that are not compatible with life. I will never forget those words and how they made me feel. She said the baby has alot of fluid and possibly a heart defect. She said they thought they seen something wrong with the brain as well, but she could not go further into it until she received the final report. She said we would have to go see a High Risk specialist at Albany Med, I was at this point barely able to speak, I could not believe what I was hearing. I felt like the world just crumbled at my feet. I remember I was shaking and I told her ok, I asked if we had to go then and she said no, she said she would schedule the appt and let us know. She again said she was sorry and I hung up the phone. I cried like I never cried before, it was such a deep pain and my heart literally hurt. Through my sobs my husband asked what she said and all I could say was she was going to die and we were going to lose her. His eyes filled up with tears as well and I knew I could not go to work, neither could he. We went home from there and cried together, I stayed home for a few days to try to cope.
A few days later my midwife called with the appt for the specialist, it was for Wednesday, February 6th. We went and received our ultrasound first, they took so long to do it and had 2 doctors come in. They found out she was a girl and showed us everything. Our little girl had a very large Cystic Hygroma on the back of her neck and she had Fetal Hydrops. They said her brain looked perfect along with her spine, but they could not see all of her heart because there was too much fluid around it, they suspected she had Turners Syndrome. They scheduled us for a Fetal Echocardiogram for March 4th, that way they could see if there was anything wrong with her heart. We seen the Genetic Counsler after the appt and they explained Turners Syndrome to us. They offered a Amniocentisis to confirm this, but we declined as we were not terminating the pregnancy either way and the testing could be done after she was born. I did not want to risk causing a miscarriage. We held onto hope and faith that she would get better but sadly a week after that appt she went to Heaven. I went into labor naturally on the 12th and delivered her on February 13th 2013 at 8:14am, she weighed 15 ounces and was 8.5 inches long. She was so beautiful. We held onto her for 13 hours and took lots of pictures. We now hold on to her memory and try to make it through each day. We do plan on trying again as soon as we get the okay from the doctor and we will use this blog during our journey.