Labor and Delivery

The Sunday before she went to Heaven we sat in church, I prayed to God because I knew in my heart she was ready to go, I just didn’t want to accept that. During that prayer I told God I was ready (emotionally) for him to take her and that it was okay because I understood. I know she will be loved in heaven. I said Amen and listened to the Pastor’s sermon. That night my husband and I went grocery shopping and I had this nagging cramp and pain in my stomach, I ignored it and thought that maybe I just over did it walking around. I went home after and went to bed early. The next morning when I woke up it was worse and I had a lot of lower back pain that was radiating into my legs. I could barely walk. I started to feel mild contractions too so I called my doctor and they suggested I go to the hospital. I told my husband and we got in the car and drove there. I rubbed my belly and knew in my heart that this was it and soon she would be gone. We got to the hospital and walked to the Labor and Delivery unit. They took my information and put us in a room. By this point I knew I was having definite contractions as they were about 5 minutes apart. They checked my cervix and it was still closed. They put me on a contraction monitor for a few hours and sure enough I was in labor. They told me they could not stop it and said that the contractions were not strong enough to open my cervix. It could take days to open and it would put me at risk due to the babys condition. Her heart was still beating but they said she was already in the beginning stages of heart failure. They said they would place tablets around my cervix that would help open it along with the contractions. They did the first dose and told me to expect more cramping. I did not feel much with the first dose but was already in pain from the labor. They gave me some pain medicine that took the edge off of the pain. I layed in bed and still felt her moving. We watched some movies and tried to stay calm. We didnt know when she was going to come so we cherished every moment we had. I tried to sleep a few times but the pain made that impossible. They offered me a epidural but I declined. Around 11pm they came in with a portable ultrasound machine and they gave us one final ultrasound, we saw her swollen body and we saw her move her hands. Her heart was not doing good and we knew she didnt have much longer…they gave us some pictures and quietly left the room. A few hours later the pain became intense. I asked for pain medicine and within ten minutes of taking the medicine I had to vomit. I knew I could not have anymore medicine and the pain was so bad so I asked for the epidural as I couldn’t take the pain anymore. The guy that did the epidural was amazing and he did a great job. He told me stories of him and his wife and the loss they had and he gave me such comfort. After about 20 minutes the pain was gone. I was able to relax and sleep finally. I woke up around 6am as my husband had to briefly leave to go let our dog out at home and get the baby book. Around 7am I shifted a little bit in bed and felt a small warm gush of fluid come out. I didnt know if it was urine or if my water had broke. I felt between my legs and it didnt feel like wetness from urine so I had a feeling my water had broke. I called for the nurse and after 15 minutes no one came so I called again and finally someone came in and sure enough my water had broke. She changed my bedding and said the doctor would be in to check me. My husband then returned and I told him what had happened. Shortly after the doctor came in and checked my cervix, she looked at me and told me I had to push in a few minutes. I was fully dilated and her tiny feet were already coming out. They set up the bed and then told me to push. I pushed 3 times and she was born at 8:14am. The first thing I asked was if she was alive…they told me she was not and asked if I wanted to hold her. I of course wanted to and they warned me that she did have some abnormalities but I did not care. They placed her in my arms and my husband and I cried. She was so tiny and swollen. We now knew just how sick she was. They weighed and measured her. She weighed 15 ounces and was 8 and a half inches long. They dressed her in her dress and hat and placed her back in our arms. We held her and loved her all day. We took so many pictures and a video. So we could forever remember her. We kept her until around 9:30pm. It was so hard to say goodbye knowing we would not see her again…


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