Today has been a hard day for me emotionally. I wish I could hold her again, even if just for a few minutes. I wish I could hold her hand in mine and feel the coldness of her skin. I wish I could feel the weight of her body in my hands and be able to kiss her cheek one more time. We had 13 hours with her and it was not long enough. I cling to her pictures and the sound of her heart beating. I just wish her heart had held out because we would have done anything necessary to raise her with her condition. We would have loved her unconditionaly, taken her for walks to let her feel the wind in her hair, let her gaze at the clouds as they float by, be there for her first steps and oh what we would give to see her smile. All things I know we will not have in this lifetime. I always thought I was getting old and that 80 seemed so close but now it seems so far away. Will I be in pain forever?