A Mothers and Fathers Intuition…

They do say that a mothers intuition is powerful. I can attest to this 100%. When I was pregnant with my now 9 year old daughter I remember buying her outfits and imagining her wearing them and I day dreamed about all the wonderful things we would do together, I also had a strong feeling she was a girl and I was right. I never had any bad feelings when I was pregnant with her, it was just perfection. Fast forward to August 2010, I found out my husband and I were expecting a little baby that we had tried to conceive for almost 2 years, I was so happy and yet at the same time I felt gaurded, I just had this strange feeling, it felt odd to me and in my mind I couldnt imagine bringing a baby home. I brushed it off as just pregnancy hormones affecting my brain and went on with the day, then a week after I found out I was pregnant, I also found out we lost our baby. I miscarried naturally and this is the first time my heart broke… I told my husband how I had felt and that I was right and that I felt like I predicted our babies death, through my tears he hugged me and he gently told me he had felt the same way but didnt want to tell me before because he did not want to worry me, he too felt that we would not bring a baby home. How does that happen? After the healing of that miscarriage we resumed trying to conceive again and we just figured it was a coincidence that we both felt that way and then the pregnancy ended. Fast forward to October 2012 and I found out I was pregnant again, I was again so excited but I still had that nagging gaurded feeling like I could not imagine bringing a baby home, it felt surreal and I tried to ignore it, I never said anything to my husband because I wanted this to be real, I did not want to lose our baby again and I told myself over and over that its going to happen, we will bring this baby home. As the weeks passed on and I hit the 12 week mark, I breathed a sigh of relief as I passed the danger zone of the first trimester and I finally started to accept that we were really going to have a baby, I smiled and told myself this time my feelings were wrong and we would be in bliss with our new addition come July 2013. As soon as I told myself this and felt pure joy it all came crashing down with the tone of “Told you so, told you so”. I found out again that I was right, I knew this time it was a girl too and was right. After our 2nd loss (at 20 wks, stillborn) my husband and I talked and again he told me he had the same feeling but didnt want to say anything. I told him I had felt the same way but didnt want to tell him, we both just looked each other in the eyes, we knew both of our babies would not come home with us, but we did not want to believe in our intuitions each time. Why? was God preparing us for the loss in hindsight? was that why we never went crazy buying things for the baby and why it felt so strange picking out names? Plain and simple, we knew. We plan on trying to conceive again, and I am now so afraid of getting that feeling again, except this time because we have suffered a big loss, how will we be able to tell if we are just being paranoid due to the losses or if our intuition is warning us yet again as in the past… I guess we will have to wait and see how the next chapter plays out. I will end this post with 3 words… Trust your instincts.

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