The gray hair…

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The other day I was looking at myself in the mirror and noticed I had dark circles under my eyes, I thought to myself, it must be from the lack of sleep, Ill just remember to put extra makeup on tomorrow to hide my sleep deprivation…then out of the corner of my eye I spotted this beauty…a gray hair, it was so white and almost sparkled (ha!) I thought to myself, oh no… it cant be…so of course I had to pull it out, and sure enough, gray hair! I am only 27 so why am I getting gray hairs?! I was quite perplexed by this and somewhat fascinated. I know I have been under a lot of stress the past few months, but I thought I was handling it “okay”, this lone hair just completly blew that thought out the window… in my hand was the very proof of my stress, afterall what else could give me gray hairs already? Its amazing how this one gray hair impacted me. It was a moment of recognition, recognition that my body is physically reacting to what Ive been through emotionally. I thought my pain could only be seen from the inside. Now its showing on the outside. Then I started to wonder if my whole head would turn gray… I feel somewhat dignified by this gray hair, I feel aged, not physically but emotionally. Its proof that I survived something, proof that I trudged on even though my feet felt heavy and weighed down with cement. I kept my head high even though it hurt my neck at times, I went to bed each night knowing I would not sleep well, and I comforted both my husband and my other daughter when they needed. I did so much and did not even give it two thoughts, I remained worried about everyone else but myself. So this gray hair is a piece of my struggle, I pulled it out and maybe that has meaning in itself, maybe Im letting go of the stress and maybe I can move forward without the weight of our loss on my shoulders. I am still on a mission to change the world and to offer kindness and love, things Isabelle would be proud of. I am proud of my gray hair, I am proud of myself.

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