I wish…

I wish you were still inside of me today, I wish you were still kicking me and giving me stretch marks. I wish my breasts would ache from the milk that is coming in to feed you. I wish I would feel sick to my stomach and crave everything in sight. I wish I would be gaining weight and blaming it on you growing. I would give anything to have my back hurt again and my feet swell. I want to be uncomfortable laying in bed and I want to have trouble zipping my winter coat over my expanding belly. While you were still inside me I washed all of your clothes, I folded them after smelling them and imagined you in them. I wish I could get sick from the smell of laundry detergent and diesel gas again. Because if I could have that all back again then that would mean you were still alive inside of me </3

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12 thoughts on “I wish…

  1. Just a little over 1 year ago, my Husband and I lost our baby Daughter just after birth. It is an extremely hard thing to deal with. My thoughts are with you and I am sorry that you had to experience this kind of loss. I am not sure of your beliefs, I am not religious, but I found this quote that I really like
    “An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth.
    Then whispered as she closed the book “too beautiful for earth”.
    ~author unknown

  2. A butterfly lights beside us, like a sunbeam…
    and for a brief moment it’s a glory
    and beauty belong to our world
    but then it flies on again, and although
    we wish it could have stayed,
    we are so thankful to have seen it at all.
    authour unknown, courtesy of SANDS charity.

    I will never be the same again, but I would never want my life without him in it, even though thinking of him always causes my heart to ache. They are right, time does heal, but it also doesn’t. You just exist differently from before, but learn to laugh again. Hugs to you x

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