I wrote this today and I hope it will touch your heart the way it did mine. xoxo
“Should have been”
*A Poem for mother’s grieving the loss of their baby on their due date.*
My life changed forever once I knew you were with me.
And every appointment I had brought me closer to meeting you.
I delicately counted up the weeks, thinking soon I would reach the peak.
I had so many plans for you, so many plans for me.
So you see you were very special to me.
Our bond was like no other, we were one.
I often wondered what day you would be born.
Would you be late or early?
I wondered what your cry would sound like and how happy I would be.
But the only crying sounds I heard were my own.
I never imagined it would be like this.
I should have been at the end of my last trimester.
But I’m not.
I should have been holding you in my arms so proudly and showing you off.
Instead of the nurses coming in to see you and smile they tip toed around afraid to make me cry.
The room was so silent and sad; it was as if I was in a room at the end of the earth.
There were no balloons, flowers or congratulatory cards.
Instead just sympathy cards and a paper with a list of funeral homes listed.
I was given all the time in the world with you, but it did not bring you back.
After we said good bye I watched you be wheeled away.
Part of me wanted to scream “Stop! Why are you taking my baby away?”
But I knew I could not do that. Instead I crumpled to the bed and sobbed my tears away.
The first night sleeping without you was hard; I wished it was just a bad nightmare.
My womb was still swollen from the life it carried, but it felt empty inside.
The next morning was worse, packing up my things, knowing I was leaving without you.
I should have been dressing you in your “going home” outfit and taking your last hospital pictures.
But instead I had to walk out of the hospital doors with nothing in my arms.
I came in pregnant and scared; and left empty and broken hearted.
Now all I have left is your memories and the “should have been”
© Copyright 2013 by Patricia J. Mercogliano
All rights reserved