Should have been

I wrote this today and I hope it will touch your heart the way it did mine. xoxo

“Should have been”
*A Poem for mother’s grieving the loss of their baby on their due date.*

My life changed forever once I knew you were with me.
And every appointment I had brought me closer to meeting you.
I delicately counted up the weeks, thinking soon I would reach the peak.
I had so many plans for you, so many plans for me.
So you see you were very special to me.
Our bond was like no other, we were one.
I often wondered what day you would be born.
Would you be late or early?
I wondered what your cry would sound like and how happy I would be.
But the only crying sounds I heard were my own.
I never imagined it would be like this.
I should have been at the end of my last trimester.
But I’m not.
I should have been holding you in my arms so proudly and showing you off.
Instead of the nurses coming in to see you and smile they tip toed around afraid to make me cry.
The room was so silent and sad; it was as if I was in a room at the end of the earth.
There were no balloons, flowers or congratulatory cards.
Instead just sympathy cards and a paper with a list of funeral homes listed.
I was given all the time in the world with you, but it did not bring you back.
After we said good bye I watched you be wheeled away.
Part of me wanted to scream “Stop! Why are you taking my baby away?”
But I knew I could not do that. Instead I crumpled to the bed and sobbed my tears away.
The first night sleeping without you was hard; I wished it was just a bad nightmare.
My womb was still swollen from the life it carried, but it felt empty inside.
The next morning was worse, packing up my things, knowing I was leaving without you.
I should have been dressing you in your “going home” outfit and taking your last hospital pictures.
But instead I had to walk out of the hospital doors with nothing in my arms.
I came in pregnant and scared; and left empty and broken hearted.
Now all I have left is your memories and the “should have been”

© Copyright 2013 by Patricia J. Mercogliano
All rights reserved

cryingmom

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18 thoughts on “Should have been

  1. I can’t imagine how you feel, but I felt the pain through your words. Let it all out, this type of creativity will heal yourself and many others.

  2. Losing a child is incredibly painful…you expressed the pain beautifully in this poem. I hope that your writing heals you word by word!

  3. I can relate to this as in 1985 my wife and I suffered the loss of our daughter to cancer. It has only been through the strength found in Christ and belief in His will that I have been able to get through it. We share your pain and suffering.

    I like what you are doing here. Getting the word out in a manner of which is simple, yet revealing. A great post.

    Also, I wish to thank you for visiting my blog and for your decision to add yourself to my friends list or followers (though I do not care for the word follower). I trust that post on altruistico will enlighten and encourage you. Now, may the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob continue to bless and keep you and yours always.

    • So sorry for the loss of your daughter. That is such a deep long pain. I know because I know my own age and that I was born in 1985. I pray for continued strength for your family. Your post certainly enlightened me today. God Bless!

      • Thank you for your condolences. ironically enough, Tricia, you were born the year Chaprie died. I also want to thank you for your continued prayer for our family. I will be doing the same for you and yours.

        I am so glad that my post was enlightening. I would hope that you will return often and that past; and, future posts here will touch you in a most Godly way.

        Thanks once again and may God bless you as well, Tricia.

  4. Your poem sums up the ‘birth day’ completely for me. RIP our beautiful babies both born 20 weeks too early and just a week or two, too early to be saved. I am glad you like my blog too x

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